My brother and I were following a tank today when we decided to pause for a while.. We stopped where a tank had produced a beautiful circular pattern in the street, and quickly melted into our surroundings, watching the street in which some children were playing. One of the children brought with him a kitten which meowed in a manner most adorable, and petted it gently.. My brother and I collectively sighed with pleasure at the "cute" display.. It was not long, however, before we realized that the intentions of this particular kid, as well as other kids, was to harm the cat.. "Don't you dare touch it" yelled one of the girls at the boy with the kitten.. He was unconcerned. The girl, knowing that we had probably never seen this sort of thing, told us what would happen: The kids would first mix the yellow sand and the red sand.. Then they would add water to it.. then they would rub it on the eyes of the kitten. End result: The kitten would be blind.
We were both horrified, but did nothing. We sat there, and observed passively the happenings of the "playground".. More than anything, I wanted to go out there and slap the boy silly and fix everything, but I didn't.. Eventually, one of the girls grabbed the kitten from the little boy who had intended to harm it, which was a relief only until we saw her chuck it into the dumpster.. It is a cruel world and must be left untouched. This was part of the reality that at this moment my brother and I were willing to accept. We knew that the kitten would die, but felt that we could do nothing. It was a moral crisis of mammoth proportions not because the life of a kitten was at stake, but because the lives of so many people were. We accepted this reality.. We accepted the death of the kitten, though it screamed for help from within the dumpster.. It may have not been pleasant, but it was genuine, and I guess that was good enough..
Another little boy finally jumped into the dumpster after the kitten, and brought it back out.. At this moment, we felt vindication over our laissez-faireism.. Order had reasserted itself.. It was not long, however, before we realized that the kid with the kitten also had bad intentions for the kitten. The kitten clung onto his shirt while he mixed the sand with water.
I could take no more. I stepped in and summoned the best of my psychology knowledge to fix the situation. "Give me the kitten" said I to him.. He promptly did so. "Here's 1 shekel for giving me the kitten and not killing it or hurting it", I responded, handing him a shekel.. I then turned to one of the girls who was asking the kid to stop and gave her 5 shekels, saying that this was for not having even started to torture the kitten and having prevented it..
It may sound silly to say, but this event with the kitten and the children has represented an ongoing conflict within and without since we got to Palestine, and specifically into Jenin.. Many people, including some of the better educated activists, assert that we are here merely as an observer and solidarity force.. What that means is that we are not to change what the Palestinians would have done.. Only be there for them when they do it.. Other minds say that most of the Palestinian ability to grow their own resistance has been decimated, and that there is nothing wrong with introducing them to the concepts that we have developed through our experiences..
Ultimately, I had to step in with the kitten.. Who knows what would have happened to it if I didn't.. The problem is that I don't actually know what will happen to it two minutes after I left.. Perhaps the kids got it from its nest again and killed it.. My saving of the kitten was meant to placate my conscience, and not to actually help the kitten or ensure its long-term safety.. If I was truly committed to the kitten, for example, I would have taken it in and fed it and kept it safe.. The "protection" that I gave it was symbolic, and does not consider the repercussions to this kitten and other kittens after I leave..
This is the problem with the internationals in Palestine.. We cannot lead movements, but should we do things? Should we plant ideas, or raise the willingness of Palestinians to resist? If we do, how much commitment must we give to the idea? After all, us starting something and then leaving before we have to deal with the repercussions is itself a problem, and may not ensure the long-term safety of the Palestinians..
So, this is where we are, which legitimately ties our hands in many instances.. The next time I want to sit in front of a tank, I'll have to remember that..
tarek : )